I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine, whose dealing with some marital problems. She and her husband have been disconnected for some time, and she feels as if he doesn't love her anymore. After talking with her for a few minutes, I asked her how much time she was taking to love herself. With tears in her eyes, she admitted to me that she didn't know how to love herself. The very thought of taking time for herself was so foreign to her, she didn't even want to talk about it.
She said to me, "I thought I was supposed to love him with all my heart. And he was supposed to love me back."
Oh if love was that easy. If only we could give ourselves so freely to someone else, and blindly rely on them to love us back. But in real love situations, we can't give our trust to another so easily. Any man has to learn how to love us. And we are the ones who teach him how to do so.
Do you love you? I mean, do you really love and care for yourself right now, the way you would like someone else to? Are you in touch with your needs? When you need to be heard or need to be understood, do you reach for someone who can listen? Do you require time to be heard, or do you ask for permission to be heard?
We are not only lovers, but the negotiators of love. When we share with a man the things we need, he has the opportunity to either respond to our requests, or ignore them. Men who will not put forth an effort to respond to what you need are not worthy of your love and attention. Your personal relationship with your husband is a valuable exchange of loving kindness, between him and you. If you don't require that love, you will never get it in its fullness.
It would be a waste to spend all this time preparing to love your husband, and then give that love away to someone who doesn't deserve it. People can only hurt us when we allow them the space to do so.
Make up your mind today, whether you are single, dating, engaged, or married, to love yourself, and ensure you're getting the things you need in your personal relationships. Men are not mind readers. It's much easier for you to tell him what you need, than it is to wait for him to figure it out. If he loves you, he will respond in love. And if he doesn’t respond, talk about it so that he understands how important it is for you.
Don’t starve yourself of love by allowing people to take from you without getting something back. Real love flows from heart to heart. When you love someone for real, and they are truly loving you, you’ll get back more than you ever could give.
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Posted By: The SISTAHS Ministry
Tuesday, February 10th 2009 at 4:54PM
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