The Ten Commandments of Confrontation
I'm enrolled in a leadership training class at my church. In that class, we are studying the book Developing The Leader Within You by John C. Maxwell. I highly recommend that book if you are in leadership be it at home, church, in business, etc. It's also great preparation if you desire to be in leadership one day.
In our last session, we learned about confrontation. In the book, John C. Maxwell gave what he called The Ten Commandments of Confrontation that I'd like to share for today's Monday Matters. Of course, because this is not original material from Quelynn, Inc., there is no Power Point Presentation.
Remember, confrontation is Godly.
Matthew 5:22-24 (King James Version)
22But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
23Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
Matthew 18:15-17 (King James Version)
15Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
The Ten Commandments of Confrontation
Do it privately, not publicly.
Do it as soon as possible. That is more natural than waiting a long time.
Speak to one issue as a time. Don't overload the person with a long list of issues.
Once you're made a point, don't keep repeating it.
Deal only with actions the person can change. If you ask the person to do something he or she is unable to do, frustration builds in your relationship.
Avoid sarcasm. Sarcasm signals that you are angry at people, not at their actions, and may cause them to resent you.
Avoid words like always and never. They usually detract from accuracy and make people defensive.
Present criticisms as suggestions or questions if possible.
Don't apologize for the confrontational meeting. Doing so detracts from it and may indicate you are not sure you had the right to say what you did.
Don't forget the compliments. Use what I call the "sandwich" in these types of meetings: Compliment - Confront - Compliment.
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Deaquelynn Williams
(205) 588-5960
Owner & Life Coach
www.QuelynnInc.com www.Twitter.com/QuelynnInc "Helping YOU build confidence, ignite passion, and define purpose."
Posted By: The SISTAHS Ministry
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009 at 2:49PM
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