Following is an excerpt from my autobiography
BORN GROWN
CHAPTER XVII
BREAKING THE TIES THAT BIND
As I said earlier, this has not been an easy book to write. The chapter you are about to read is the most difficult. In fact, it was so hard that I started to leave it out. But I feel that I must include it for my children’s sake, as well as to help those who may be reading this book. This chapter is written to all of you women and young girls who allow men to get into your mind and drive you crazy. So, since I’ve already spilled so much of my guts, I might as well spill the rest.
On more than one occasion, I’ve heard on the news or read in the newspapers where a wife or woman has murdered her man and gone to prison for the rest of her life. I can’t help but wonder if any of them sitting in a prison cell right now went in there born again. But, for the grace of God, one of those women could have been me. During my miserable 20-year marriage (the last seven of them common-law) to George Brooks, I attempted to kill him three times! Not only was I saved and speaking in tongues, but I was a licensed minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Yet I snapped. Not once; not twice; but three times.
Although I’m not sure that I loved George when we got married, somewhere along the way I fell madly in love with him. I emphasize the word “madly” because that’s exactly what it was. The root word for madly is “mad.” Webster’s Dictionary describes “mad” as “disordered in mind; insane; being rash and foolish; I was all of these. While I was standing on stupid looking for dumb, George was having one open affair after another. It appeared to me that he didn’t even try hard to hide it. Many people knew. In the midst of this, I was slowly losing my mind.
The first time I attempted to kill him was after he had been out all night. I knew that there was a gun somewhere in our home. In a state of rage, I tore up our home looking for the gun. By the time he came home the house was in shambles. Thank God that I didn’t find the gun.
The second time I attempted to kill him was with a car. We had one of our many arguments. I ran out of the house, jumped in the car, and sped out of the driveway. George had run out the side door behind me. I saw him but didn’t brake. The car missed him by inches. Had he not jumped back just in time, he would have been flattened out in the driveway and the police would have been putting handcuffs on me and hauling my miserable behind to jail. Thank God for giving George quick reflexes.
The last time I attempted to kill him was when I found him in my home with another woman. By this time we had separated. But, you may recall that I had been given the house in our divorce settlement earlier. So I still perceived it as my house, even though he had forced me to move out by his refusal to leave himself.
This particular day I had gone by the house to visit my son Donald who had moved back home with his father. The mistake I made was not calling first.
When I arrived at the house, the lock had been changed, and George wouldn’t answer the doorbell. There was evidence that he was there because there were two cars in the driveway – his and another. The house had a large picture window, which I looked through as I continued to furiously ring the doorbell and bang on the door, yelling and screaming to the top of my lungs, “Let me in! Let me in!” Looking through the window, I saw a naked woman run from the bedroom into the bathroom. I became enraged. I know from personal experience that there is a fine line between sanity and insanity.
It was trash day on the street and the garbage was at the curb. My insanity told me to dump the trash and set it AND the house on fire. I got as far as dumping the trash, but had no matches, and the cigarette lighter in the car didn’t work. At this point, I jumped in my car and took off for the corner store to get some matches.
I can still recall my anxiousness as I stood in the line trying to quickly get waited on to buy matches to set the house on fire. I hopped from one foot to the other and sweat was pouring off my brow. (Or maybe it was tears; I don’t remember now.) Finally, I got to the front of the line, got the matches, and rushed out of the store. Thank God for the slow line. When I returned George and the woman were gone. I got back in my car and broke down. I believe that I sat there and cried a river of tears. All I could think about is that I had given 20 years of my life to a man who had continuously humiliated and rejected me. Finally, I regained my composure enough to drive away.
Even though George was physically out of my life, emotionally and spiritually there was a soul tie there. My mind was being held captive. After seeing what I saw through the window, that image was implanted in my mind. When I went to bed at night, I dreamed that I was in bed with another woman. “What is this?” I asked myself. “Why am I laying beside another woman and embracing her? I’m not a lesbian.” Night after night I had that same dream of being in bed with a woman. “Oh, God, help me,” I cried out to the Lord. “Give me understanding.” And He did. This is what he showed me…
Any complete s*xual act, whether fornication, adultery, or homos*xuality, unites a person’s soul with the other. “Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a harlot (or any other illicit partner) is one body with her? For He says, ‘The two will become one flesh’’ (I Cor. 6:16). Thus, whatever woman a man enters, their souls are united to each other from that moment on. Simply put, because George and I were united in (holy) matrimony to each other, our spirits became one. Thus, when that bond was violated, every s*xual relationship we ever had outside of that marriage was brought into our union. The Bible says that what God has joined together, let no man put asunder. Looking at this revelation, it’s easy for me to see why God banned divorce and that fornication, adultery and homos*xuality are sins in the eyes of God. I pray that those who are reading this will take heed to God’s word and depart from evil, and that the captives will be set free.
Mistakes made early in life impact the rest of our lives. Some become involved s*xually without the commitment of marriage. Maybe you believed him when he told you that he loved you. Perhaps you really did think that yielding would show your true love, and that if you didn’t yield you would lose that person. I made that mistake at a very early age. Or, maybe you simply wanted to have a good time without thinking about the consequences. I’m here to tell you that there are consequences. As I look at my family: my children and grandchildren, and now my great grandchildren, I can see how fleshly decisions made by the parents have had a negative impact on all of them.
Finally, let me say this: If we don’t deal with what’s happened in the family tree, and if we don’t deal with what’s in our personal lives, our children will inherit our curses. So, dear friends, I encourage you to go before the Lord and get your lives straightened out so that you can break the power of sin, so that genetically inherited diseases no longer exist. Sin is a disease, just like cancer.
Posted By: Mary Edwards
Friday, September 26th 2008 at 12:59PM
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